He Never Said a Mumblin' Word

There’s something.

So something…about looking at the stars.

…as if it’s not because I choose to…but that it commands me.

So often throughout the day….i decide to keep moving because there’s a motor.

..so many.

Everyone’s in this machine.

But tonight. . It stopped.

Or…more like, I was reminded what it’s all for.

And these moments. I always pray for them. And they help me here on earth.

It’s only in vain when it’s for the glory of myself or someone else.

We can’t paint the stars and keep them going….let alone our own bodies…

These toys…these things we tamper and tinker with thinking we really are making and moving.

But then I look up.

Up.

And it reaches in.

So deep.

God’s moving the stars.

My cells.

His work is not in vain. His love for me. Not in vain.

There’s a deep longing. And looking at the stars only reminds me.

God longed for me first.

And then I can’t move anywhere else. But to Him.

it's as if His love commands it.

Sufjan Stevens.

So. Everything.

This concert.

Music. Inspiration. Colors. Elements. Depth. Beauty...trying to come up with words to define all the sporadic and scattered feelings and observations i have from this concert...the words are too surface however hard i seem to try and encapsulate what this night was.

There is, however, this small feeling of regret.

It's like when watching the sun set and wanting so much more from it. I heard my pastor use this analogy...like...wanting to taste it or live inside it. That it's one of the most beautiful things God could grace you to experience on this earth...and yet, the meaning behind Him wanting you to experience it is not the experience itself, but what it gives reference to.

This world can only offer so much and it points to this need to be fulfilled so much more fully than it can do.

This concert left me wanting.

To be in the music...a part of it...

There was even a point where I was in the front, harmonizing while being near enough to hear this unfiltered voice...just vulnerable in what it's been made to be. such an amazing moment of feeling like "i'm in the music, some paradigm of a part of that which has inspired me so often."

But still...this wanting...

I believe God blessed me greatly with this experience in that He is going to be the fulfillment of beauty in the end. Of everything, in the end, and while i'm on this earth...he'll bring me closer and close to understanding His Son and all the beauty, freedom, and grace that's wrapped up in that. But the day when i see his face...that day...there will be nothing left in me wanting...

and the grey beauty that is in the waiting for this day, when i see all of how the previous ones accumulated to the realization of this.

that they were always pale in comparison, but the elements that pointed me to Him were true and there.

oh. how i long to truly breathe.

yes. this concert was that amazing.

ha....oh man.