Somewhere down the road...I became horrible at keeping track of things happening in my life...as in...in some sort of written form. Sometimes I think if it's some sort of thought (like my preceding posts) then I should keep track of it. So I can see the consistencies or not in my thoughts or views.

However. Dag nabbit. There are so many beautiful moments that build up to those kind of thoughts that I don't take note of...and when I think about it...would more than likely (if noted and remembered) eventually then never lead to an explosion of suppressed moments. It would probably happen in some way or another anyway, I guess...all in all...I just regret not journaling and taking note of the memorable moments...because, oddly, I don't remember them.

Yeah.

With that being said. It's never too late. ( and I NEED to tell myself this...otherwise...I just keep not...writing)

Ok. Let's see.

Last weekend we went on a student retreat with the christian students from the school here and our team. We went to this intensely remote town (I have to make sure I'm not leaking too much of the "what kind" and "where" things for safety) but it was basically in the middle of...nowhere. If I had a globe, spun it, placed my finger in this place...I would probably think some of the same things that I did when I was actually there "People live here?". It's basically one of those places that has been in this time capsule...like in the heart of Africa where tribes have lived the same as they always have without the influx of the outside world.

With all that said...it was such an interesting experience, to say the least. To be with native speakers of the language, at this point in my studies only understanding the "He's", "She's", some common verbs and vocabulary it only added to the feelings I had of just not being able to put my finger on this place. I wouldn't say ethereal...because it was actually too real. Sounds lame/weird...but...just trying to process it out.

I should clarify there were power lines in this place...however, they only seemed to be just passing through. So, not as remote as I more than likely make it sound, but....I guess the most remote I had ever been to. Of course...I have to disclaim everything. :)

Anyway. Speaking of the language and living in this country (not a huge aside at all) but it's so interesting to live in a place so completely foreign. For example, as I was saying earlier, the language! Walking around seeing characters and shapes that I can't connect as symbols stored in my memory...not being able to make any connections, no signs...no ABC'S...I feel as if I am 3 or something and am watching Sesame Street for the first time. I see shapes and colors, they evoke emotion (where that's instilled and comes from is quite interesting to think about) and recognizing the human face...or...being fascinated by it as well....it's just so interesting. These thoughts are more than likely just confusing you (whoever you may be) and myself as I keep going, but...It'll get somewhere. Hah...It's just so sensory here. I have to be able to read everything else in order to go about my day. The unsaid things. Such an indirect way of going about, but...I think it lets my imagination escape so much more in public. Usually, I let it release when I read, listen to music, or set aside time (I guess most of the time not intentionally)...but to be able to stand on the bus, listening to a conversation, watching the expressions, and only filling in the blanks as to what I think they may be talking about...feeling so much as though I were the one writing the story. No one's here to stop me from thinking what I think is wrong.

I mean, I'm fully aware of the complete subjectivity I am going by in order to go about my day or just observe this world I'm in...however...no one's there to give me a concrete "we're talking about politics", "my niece turned four today", "this line is always way too long".....everything intertwines for me. Makes me interested in what I assume certain people are/could be talking about. Are those high schoolers talking about the boy in front of them as I would assume, or how they're planning in the future to open a business together and are excited for the possibilities? Are the old women I see always talking about the weather or cooking as I would box them into thinking?

A few weeks ago I was taking pictures out and about and came across a group of old-women. Being a few weeks ago, I know more of the language than I did when I first arrived (to my advantage...and maybe imaginational and subjective disadvantages) and it was refreshing to here them talking. Conversing. I would take some pictures of them and they would comment on the pictures after I would show them. They would laugh, talk about each others faces, say things like "uh! I look so old! My eyes are so droopy!" (at least that's what I gathered with body language included)....yet...when I first say these women....they seemed completely foreign to me. Completely unapproachable. Now...they were turning into me and my friends.

An advantage to knowing some of the language. I can be so critical. I can make people not just people like me. Or, person...I should say.

See, this is why I wish I would've written more then and actually kept track of situations and things first semester as to compare now with how I see things now. However, just that situation shows me probably a lot of my first semester was just like me holding on to making these people more foreign than they actually are....

or....when I went on the retreat this past weekend. Not only language was foreign...but place and even what time it was....as in....100's of years ago.

That's a lot of misunderstanding that could happen there.

However, to remember the moments where I would see someone smile, the kids playing, and just the necessity to eat, sleep, and things of that nature...those things we do have in common...and remembering to think the best of people (or...to remember they're people just like i'm a people :)....)....it helps that much more with connecting on the things that matter instead of all of the outer things that eventually fade away. Time, place, language....all beautiful things and important....but....I'd like to assume that we're all really not that different.

Ha...oh man...if anyone does read this you'll probably think I've very shallow...well...I guess you'd be right...I can't really disclaim that. But...I'm glad God's patient with these shallow thoughts and doesn't keep me in them.

Today....I am going to take some pictures at the campus that I went to 3 years ago when I was here for the summer. It just so amazing to have smells and places bring out emotions and memories. I want to capture these things...but...if I can only visually, maybe I can make some of the other connections later upon looking at them.

Oh dear. I always get a little insecure taking pictures. Or....I wish I could (depending on the context) take them in such a way that several years down the road I'll look at them and know I used the best lighting, shutter speed, and whatever else to appropriately capture this beautiful place as best as I possibly can and could.

I know I will learn more and think "I wish I knew that then"...but...maybe there's also something beautiful in not knowing. Always something I won't know....however, the fact that certain things will be revealed to me furthermore in this life...such a blessing. I am content.

"Maps....they don't love you like I love you." <--another thing on my mind.